2015-07-04

Gay Marriage and all the Reasons to Oppose It

(Sexual content, not suitable for children)

The topic that's on everybody's lips these days is the legalization of gay marriage in all 50 states in America. For non-Americans who don't know, many states have already allowed gay marriage prior to this, but now the Supreme Court have decided it is a constitutional right, meaning anywhere in the United States, gay couples can now get married.

It was a big win for the gays, who celebrated exuberantly.

Many straight people, who empathize with the discrimination gays go through, celebrated with them.

Facebook brilliantly created a rainbow filter for everyone's profile picture, and overnight everyone's facebook feed looked like a thousand unicorns rampaged through it. 

At first, all I saw was approval at this new judgement. Nobody seemed anti-gay at all!! The overwhelming response seemed to be that everyone was pretty pleased.

I marveled to myself how very far the gays have come in the last decade.

I told my gay friends as much, that the fight is finally over, but they said it's far from it... The silent majority in Singapore probably are still homophobic. But with the very vocal anti-homophobic crowd, they don't dare to say much for fear of being labelled a bigot.

Then, after all the celebrations died down, the anti-gay marriage arguments begin to appear, and I realised my gay friends are right. There is still a long way to go.





9gag, for example, changed their logo to rainbow and posted this picture, which is pretty neutral.

The comments were largely anti gay.

9gag also experienced a huge unfollowing from the angry fans. From the comments, we can see that of 9gag's audience (mostly straight men), many may not have openly voiced their anti gay marriage opinion, but still will express them in little things like comments.

From my own facebook feed, a famous food blogger who is also a doctor posted numerous anti-gay marriage articles, some of which are truly appalling.

Like this one, which is the most condescending, holier-than-thou crap I've ever read.

Quote from the article:

"Just we have shown compassion toward those who have gone to the abortion clinic and to the divorce court, so must we do the same for those who go to the altar of gay marriage." --- WTF just fuck off, gay couples who get married don't need your sympathy or compassion!


The blogger also shared this article, which says paedophiles now want the same rights as gay people.

*roll eyes to the back of my head* Totally no evidence of this in the article... As if paedophiles will dare to ever speak up and say "I AM A PROUD PAEDOPHILE I WANT RIGHTS!". Please!

Anyway, whatever, he is entitled to his views no matter how skewed by his religion they are. And out of respect for him because I really liked him before this, I won't mention his name.


I wanted to point out the articles he posted because he is the only person on my facebook feed to be anti gay marriage.

I read all the articles because I wanted an alternative point of view, a good LOGICAL reason to tell me why people can be opposing this new judgement so strongly. He is a doctor right? He is a smart guy, he must have some good reasons. I wanted to know.

But article after article I read, trying my best to keep a really open mind.

After reading all, I came to the conclusion that NONE of the arguments hold water.


Here's my response to all of them.


Bur first, before that, let's get something clear. Legal unions and sex are different things. You can approve of  homosexual sex or be ambivalent about it but not agree with legalizing gay marriage, and similarly, you can approve of gays getting married but don't agree with their sexual habits. Although I guess the latter is a bit weird because most married couples have sex. Let's discuss both.




1) God doesn't approve


Religious people say this as if it is a good reason for everyone to change their minds.

Firstly, the bible (or any religious text) can be interpreted in many different ways, and many religious people have chosen to believe that their God is about love and acceptance, not hatred and judgement.

Secondly, for the vast majority of humans who don't even believe in your God, that's like saying the Loch Ness Monster doesn't approve. ERM, SO?


2) It isn't natural. God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.


Congratulations on your clever rhyme on Eve, which is a totally logical argument. NOT.

So sick of hearing this stupid statement said as if it is so witty wtf. Btw if God created only two humans from the start, how did they populate the Earth without being incestuous? So now incest is ok but gay sex isn't?

Anyway, speaking of natural... Homosexuality occurs in animals all the time. It's really quite natural.


3) The government only gives a legal hoot about the union of two people because it usually results in children. And they want those children to grow up with responsible parents who are legally bound together.



Of all the arguments, I guess this one sounds the most logical. Since gay couples are naturally sterile, why do they need to get married? Marriage is for the sake of children, not the adults.

Erm hello? Firstly, many gay couples get married because they DO want to have children.

They may not be able to do so naturally, but they can adopt or use surrogates or get a sperm donor.

Whether they are legally able to get married or not, gay couples who want children will go ahead and have children. Being unwed isn't going to stop them.

So if you want the whole "for the child's welfare" thing, you better let their parents get married so they have a harder time splitting up.

Secondly, being legally married ISN'T solely for the children.

There are other things like tax or wills that are different for legally married couples. If one part of a gay couple is hospitalized and only immediate family can visit, his or her partner, even if they have been together for decades, simply cannot enter. At the airport, Mike and I can get our passports stamped together at the counter because we are a family unit. A gay couple cannot.

Marriage means that if your partner is a foreigner, they can must more easily get permanent residency or a green card.

In Singapore, gay couples cannot apply for a HDB flat. Houses being as expensive as they are, are not-so-affluent gay couples destined to rent forever or stay with their parents?

All these legal rights and privileges are denied to gay couples, which is pretty unfair, unless you are saying that marital rights should only be given to couples who have children.

But that's not the case, is it? Many heterosexual couples are sterile or do not plan to ever have children. Then why should they be entitled to all these privileges?

If only people with children should be considered legally married, then let all couples be only engaged until they have a child. Only WHEN a child is born should they be awarded the certificate of marriage.

Until then, I think it's only fair for gay couples to be given equal rights.


4) Children SHOULD grow up in a 1 man 1 woman household.


People who say this sweeping statement come out with it from nowhere except their reluctance to stray from tradition. Research has shown that same sex parenting do not have adverse effects on children. (source 1)(source 2)

If you think about it logically, who will be better parents?

Parents who actually WANT a child... They thought things through and decided that they are ready to be parents, they are ready to take on the responsibility. They made their decision because they are financially able, and their relationship is stable. (Rhymes!)

OR...

Parents who stupidly shoot the sperm inside and accidentally got pregnant so they hastily get married and begrudgingly keep the child? Even if they have only been dating for a month, or if they don't have the financial capability to raise a kid? After that they throw the kid to grandparents to take care.


Gay parents will always be the former, because their sexual urges will never mistakenly result in a baby. 

If they want one, they have to jump through hurdles to actually get one. Adoption protocol will put them through tests to make sure they are suitable parents.

Many heterosexual parents, on the other hand, are parents only due to a mistake. Sure, some may belong to the former. Many aren't.

I'm sure you have heard of many shotgun marriages around you which ended in divorce or an unhappy marriage.

If you ask me, children from same sex parents are probably better off, statistically speaking, that those of heterosexual parents. So many heterosexual parents are so terrible, just think of ghetto parents with a dozen kids they cannot afford!

Not saying that all gays must automatically be rich or great parents but at least they won't get a child just because they are horny and stupid, which is so often the case nowadays!

Besides, this argument isn't against gay marriage, it is against gay parenting.

Since gay parenting will happen whether or not they are allowed to get married, then I say it's better for them to be able to get married, right?

Argument over, next!


5) Who is supposed to be mother and who's the father??? This will confuse the child.


A child isn't born knowing that he is supposed to have a father and a mother.

These are gender roles we appoint after many years of tradition. As long as gay parents educate their child properly ("your Mommy and Mama are different from other children's Mommy and Daddy but don't forget we love you just as much as they love their children"), fulfil all the appropriate roles in the kid's life, I don't see what the problem is.

Besides, single/divorced parents often have to take up the mantle of being both father and mother. Loads of these children have turned out fine.

Children don't need parents to be 1 female and 1 male. They simply need parents who love them and care for them.


6) Same sex marriage always denies a child of either a mom or a dad.


Wrong. Same sex marriage denies a child of a BIOLOGICAL mom or dad. People who use this argument act like gay couples cruelly tear a child away from their natural mother or father, but the truth is that these mothers and fathers often don't want the child.

The child is either adopted (both biological parents don't want the child, or maybe orphaned), or a surrogate is paid to give birth (rare case), or there is a sperm donor somewhere who most likely doesn't want anything to do with the kid that his sperm created. You can't deny someone of something that actually doesn't want them.

Mom and Dad are more than just the egg or sperm donor - they are also terms for the main caretakers of the child.

Heterosexual adoptive parents can have their children call them figuratively mom and dad, so why can't gay couples? They can be called dad and dad but they can actually take on mom and dad roles. It is just a name.

7) Homosexuals, especially gay men, are often infidel, which will harm their children.


So marriage will make them think twice about being infidel right? How is this an argument against gay marriage?!

Next.


8) Homosexual civil marriage would make it even easier than it already is for men to rationalize their abandonment of their children. 


"After all, they could tell themselves, our society, which affirms lesbian couples raising children, believes that children do not need a father. So, they might tell themselves, I do not need to marry or stay married to the mother of my children."

I actually copied this chunk from some website. It is one of the dumbest shit I've ever read, substantiated by nothing.

Asshole men ditch their kids and wives because they want to fuck other women, have freedom and no responsibility.

What has it got to do with lesbian couples???! Lesbian parents ain't gonna make asshole men any less assholey by not existing!! Ridiculous!

If you think lesbian parents will affect dad abandonment because they see that 2 women can raise a child, why don't you also say the opposite is true? That a man seeing that two men can also raise a child, perhaps he will be heartened and think he can do it too.

Lame. Next.



9) Comparison to Incest


One of the arguments that people love to put forth is that supporters of gay marriage should not be hypocrites and should also support incest.

After, incest is also attraction to what is different from the norm. It could also be between two consenting adults.

Firstly, INCESTUOUS MARRIAGES ARE LEGAL.

Yes, you can marry your family members, legally and legitimately. Surprise!

So arguing that people who are pro gay marriage also also support incestuous marriage is redundant. It is legal, never been illegal, so there is no notion to support.

However, once that marriage is consummated, the sexual act itself is illegal. You cannot have sex with your nucleus family.

The law exists to protect an innocent child from being born out of that union because it probably will end up with genetic deformities.

When a sex act involves harming a minor, then obviously nobody supports it. Is it fair to draw a parallel to gay sex, where nobody is harmed?

What about incestuous sex which doesn't result in pregnancy? Like if both parties went for sterilization?

My personal opinion is that if brother wants to fuck/marry sister, that's their business, as long as they don't get pregnant. I don't really give a crap as they aren't harming anyone. None of my beeswax. Of course I find the idea distressing and disturbing, but after reading Middlesex (it's an awesome book) and watching Game of Thrones and seeing my hamsters go at it, I guess such attraction does happen. O_O

I draw the line at parents having sex with their children because I find that the children, even if they are consenting adults, must be in some way manipulated or educated by the parents into thinking this is ok.

So yup. Conclusion: No need to support incestuous marriage as it is legal; if people want to have incestuous sex that's their business if they aren't harming anyone and don't get pregnant.



10) Comparison to sexual deviants/fetishes


People also love to compare gay sex to various sexual fetishes, and how the public will soon be forced to also accept these fetishes as "normal".

Besides, they say, if gays can marry gays, then what's to stop paedophiles from marrying children or a man from marrying his dog?


10a) Paedophilia

I don't even understand why I have to explain this.

The glaring difference is CONSENT.

Children cannot make life decisions that are supposed to last for a lifetime (marriage), nor are they emotionally developed enough to say yes to sex without understanding the consequences, ok?

HOW IS THIS THE SAME AS GAY SEX/MARRIAGE BETWEEN TWO CONSENSUAL ADULTS?? HOW??


I can't, I just can't. People are too stupid.

As for the idiots claiming that because gays are asking for equal rights to get married, paedophiles will now do the same?

DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT THE PAEDOPHILIC ASSOCIATION WILL COME OUT AND ASK FOR RIGHTS TO FUCK PEOPLE'S YOUNG CHILDREN, TODDLERS AND BABIES?

Do you HONESTLY believe that?

If yes, you need to jump off a cliff.



10b) Bestiality

Again, a man cannot marry his dog because his dog is incapable of giving consent. Even if the dog shows it obviously loves its owner, the dog cannot possibly understand the notion or consequences of marriage. So no, no animal marriage, ok?

With regards to sex with animals... Now here is where it gets a little iffy.

The mere idea of this will probably set most people gagging. I guess it's safe to say that this isn't to everybody's taste. Bestiality is illegal in most countries. It is considered animal cruelty to do sexual acts to an animal, because they cannot give consent, right?

I must admit that when I was younger, there was no doubt in my mind that bestiality is wrong, it is beyond disgusting, and everyone who does it is a pervert who should be locked up in jail (and probably not allowed to be near the animals in the jail if any).

Reddit changed everything for me. Two of my friends linked me to an IAMA article about someone who has sex with his dogs.

(Article 1)(Article 2)

If the dog is the one humping him, isn't it consent? For further discussion, read THIS. It is very interesting.

We can neuter our animals, force them to breed for our profit, slaughter them for meat, but it isn't ok to allow them to hump us? It does seem a bit unfair, doesn't it? Afterall, cows would rather have sex with you than to be made into a cheeseburger. Maybe the issue here isn't really animal cruelty in some cases. (Of course you shouldn't force yourself on an animal too small for your genitals or is obviously unwilling and shrieking. Or in the reverse hurt yourself by being impaled with giant animal penises.)

Anyway, whatever. I'm not here to champion for the rights of zoophiles or that of animals. I eat the latter, can't talk so much.

But it is food for thought.

But no, just because gay marriage is now legal in 50 states will not suddenly cause everyone to begin having sex with animals, ok? It remains a very niche sexual preference that few can accept.


10c) Necrophilia

I can't. Desecrating a corpse without consent. Upsets the beheaved loved ones. Not the same as gay sex. Sigh... It is an insult to Blogger.com's server space to have to explain this.



11) I feel like gays are forcing gay marriage down my throat and I don't like that. Why can't I just say I don't agree with it without being labelled a bigot? It simply doesn't feel right to me, can't that be a reason?


No, it can't. 

If you can't find a logical reason to oppose it, then simply be ambivalent or apathetic about it. You don't have to care about the issue. If you are straight, it most likely won't affect you in any real way. But if you are against it, then you better give a good reason other than an emotional knee-jerk response.

It is very easy for you to say "It just doesn't feel right" and decide to take away the rights of other people, but for the people affected, it makes a HUGE difference to their lives.

In the past, many have probably voted against abolishing slavery or the right for women to vote simply because "it just doesn't feel right". No other reason, except you are resistant to change.

How would you feel if you are fighting for something you feel is the right thing to do and others oppose you just because? Don't even bother to give you a logical reason, except they don't like it? Won't you find that very insulting and get angry?



12) Gay sex is disgusting

This, at the end of the day, is the reason why anyone would oppose gay marriage. They simply find gay sex disgusting.

And because of that, they find all sort of nonsense reasons to justify their feelings.

Gays have no rights to be all huffy and offended just because someone tells them that gay sex is gross. 
Just as homosexuals have no control over what they find attractive, other people have no control over what they find disgusting - so don't be hypocrites when asking for acceptance! 
Just mention to a gay guy about licking a cunt or a lesbian about male penetration and surely their response is EWWWW. (Witnessed it many times) So if gays can find heterosexual sex gross, straight people are allowed to find your sexual proclivities gross too.



When you first found out what (heterosexual) sex was, what were your thoughts? I was 12 when a friend told me about it, she found her uncle's porn video tapes and saw it.

"OH MY GOD THAT'S SO DISGUSTING WHY WOULD I WANT TO TOUCH A BOY'S KUKU OMG OMG OMG I WILL NEVER EVER DO THAT!!!! YUCK!!!"

That was my reaction. I had thought people kissed and slept on the same bed and the woman will get pregnant the next day.

Well... Let's just say that Dash wasn't conceived that way. LOL... Which goes to show the best of us eat our words.

If you find something disgusting, it is easy to also decide that it is wrong, sick, and shouldn't be allowed. 

And that the people who like it, must be either crazy, perverse, ignorant, or has to be "fixed" in some way.

Grow up. Just because you find celery disgusting doesn't mean other people shouldn't be allowed to eat it.

A mature person separates his emotions from his judgement. It is hard to do so, I'll admit it. Being an emotional person, I still wish there are laws against all the things I dislike (ban parsley and crocs), but a small part of me knows that isn't right.

Read a sentence on reddit which pretty much sums up this post:


"Just because you find it disgusting doesn't mean that it's reprehensible."


Are your feelings about gay sex affecting your opinion on gay marriage? If yes, you need to take those feelings out of the equation and think again.



CONCLUSION:

So there you have all my response to all the reasons why people are opposing gay marriage. I find each and every reason pretty invalid, but if you can come up with a good, logical argument, I welcome your views on it.

The only reason that cannot be argued with is 12) Gay sex is disgusting.


If someone feels that way, nothing will change their opinion.

Personally, I find anal sex disgusting (whether on females or males), and no amount of reading up on it or talking to people who engage in it will change it for me. I tell my gay friends my opinion and they laugh about it. I don't like the act; it doesn't mean I don't like the people who perform the act.

So if you find homosexual behaviour disgusting, so be it.**


But those who oppose gay marriage for this reason...


PLEASE DO NOT HIDE BEHIND SCIENCE AND MORALITY TO OPPOSE GAY MARRIAGE.


That, I really cannot stand. 


Don't act like you are so much more morally upright, educated, informed than others. 

Don't share articles that use fake science and statistics to get invalid arguments across.

DON'T CLAIM YOU ARE OPPOSING GAYS FOR THE BETTER OF SOCIETY.

Don't act like it is for the children.


Worst of all don't tell me you pray for the gays and will show compassion towards them despite your disgust with them. JUST FUCK OFF.


Just say it as it is.

You don't like it because you find it disgusting.

Great, then people will know to simply dismiss your opinion as it is a personal one with no bearing on society's welfare.


Or they can let you know frankly that they find you disgusting too.



(**Of course, you shouldn't be unkind or insensitive about your disgust, just like it isn't nice to tell someone an outfit makes them look fat, even though you truly feel that way and there is nothing wrong with feeling that way)

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2015-04-23

I caused Grace Tan to have LOOSE STOOLS

Some time ago I received an email informing me that someone named Grace Tan was applying for a Protection Order against me.


At first I was like "Huh? Who is that?" then as I read on, I remembered... I replied this person's offensive comments about me some time ago on facebook.






She is a supposedly award-winning blogger who wrote a book on how to blog for a living and a blogging coach who conducts blogging workshops that cost $558.

Never heard of her?

How can it be, she has 306 followers on twitter and 558 followers on instagram! Yes, she's definitely very popular and very qualified.



As I read Grace's Originating Summons and affidavit, I actually laughed out loud.

This woman cannot be serious...

She actually put in a medical claim that I caused her to have loose stools.



OH NO LAO SAI LOL


Just when I was beginning to think I had no power, I now know I can cause someone to have diarrhoea just by the words I write. Wow!

The medical report Grace Tan submitted could not prove that I'm the reason she suffered from her wet bowels, headache or insomnia. I'm not quite sure the point of her putting it in (although I'm sure having loose stools is a very distressing affair indeed).


About 2 weeks ago, April 15, was the date of the hearing. 


My lawyer Fong Wei Li from Fortis Law Corporation represented me. He is also the same lawyer who got me my Protection Order against SMRT Feedback. If you need representation for harassment cases, he is a good bet.

Some of you who are old readers might remember him from old blog posts because we used to be close friends! But friendship wasn't the reason I chose him, I chose him because he happens to be well versed in the Harassment Act when all the other lawyers I found didn't know much about it as it is so new. Here's the article he wrote for the Law Gazette about it.

You are wondering about how the hearing went? I will tell you later, but first, I want to tell you the whole story first. It's gonna be a super long blog post, don't say I didn't warn ya.


Since Grace applied for the Protection Order and publicized it on all her social media, there have been many news reports on the issue.

(Straits Times)/(Mothership)/(CNA)/(Channel 8 news)  - Just for a sampling.


I have kept resolutely quiet about it because anything I say can affect the outcome of the case.

Grace, on the other hand, have wrote about it frequently, preaching much about cyberbullying... but she didn't address the question that's on everybody's mind:


How, exactly, have I harassed her?

How, exactly, have I cyberbullied her?



So much so that she needs to apply for a freaking Protection Order against me??


When asked, Grace refuses to talk about it because apparently what I wrote was too much for her to bear repeating. It is that lethal (don't forget it has the power to cause loose stools).

Or is it because the conversation we had, when shown, will show exactly who is harassing who?

Today, I will clarify my entire history with this person, whom I hope now has a healthier digestive system.






In November last year, I was engaged to host a Lee Kum Kee video with Dr Leslie Tay of ieatishootipost fame.

The good doctor, who loves food, actually came up with 4 recipes to cook 3 dishes and 1 soup for a fast home-cooked meal in half an hour. The reason why it is so speedy is because he is using Lee Kum Kee's instant sauces to cook them.

When I had the meeting with the producers, I asked if it is indeed possible to finish cooking everything in half an hour. They said that Dr Leslie had successfully tried it at home. I believe them.

Meanwhile, Lee Kum Kee had held a contest so that a guest can appear on the show to cook with Dr Leslie and myself. That guest was none other than Grace Tan.

This little meeting with her started a volley of posts from Grace Tan about me. 

I will show, in chronological order, all of these individual posts she has made and whether they are positive, neutral, or negative.


POST 1 (positive):


3rd Nov 2014: Grace posts on her facebook about how she's delighted to win


On the filming day, Grace appeared to be nice, meek and polite. 

She seemed to me like the average girl next door... probably has an office job in something administrative, applied for a BTO and waiting to get it, would bake a cake for her colleague's birthday which she genuinely remembered and not just because facebook reminded her. You get the drift.

I actually liked her and I was nothing but nice and friendly to her. She asked for a picture with me and I gladly obliged. I didn't know she was a blogger, the producers told me she was just a person who won the contest.


After the filming, Grace said many sweet things about me:


POST 2 (positive):


4th Nov 2014: Grace likes my writing, hope she likes this post just as much. :)

Not everyone gets a dedicated blog post you know!


POST 3 (positive):


4th Nov 2014: Grace posted on her facebook page a picture of me with great hair



Me:



POST 4 (positive):


5th Nov 2014: (Excerpt) Grace blogs about the cookoff. 
Here's the full original post before she changed it.


POST 5 (positive):


1st Dec 2014: (Excerpt) Grace calls me a blogging extraordinaire in a blog post

She talks about the cooking video a lot and put a permalink on her sidebar.
It seems to be some sort of trophy win for her to win a cooking contest.


POST 6 (positive):


4th Dec 2014: (Excerpt) Grace says she looks up to me


POST 7 (positive):



 21st Dec 2014: (Excerpt) Grace displays reverence in a blog post which 
she claims willingness to pay a huge sum of money if I would mentor her.



$2,000???


Don't like this give me such high praise, I am shy!



Suddenly, I don't know why things changed on 23th December when the Gushcloud expose came out, but she out of nowhere decided to blog about the Lee Kum Kee incident, claiming "even the best bloggers lie" just below my name, insinuating I am a liar just like those I've exposed.


POST 8 (Neutral):


23th Dec 2014: Facebook post linking her new blog post (shown below)


POST 9 (negative):


(24th Dec 2014: Excerpt from Grace's blog. Full post here.)


Grace is claiming that the filming didn't take half an hour but roughly 1.5 hours instead, so I am lying to my readers. It doesn't matter that she didn't mention my name, everyone could tell it's me.

The Gushcloud bloggers saw her post and linked it up gleefully:


Source: Leaked Gushcloud group chat



I decided to just ignore Grace.

Her reasoning was ridiculous.

Afterwards, someone on my facebook page asked me nicely if what Grace said is true, so I explained myself:




Ok I took this printscreen from Grace's post. I actually cannot find this comment anymore as it is lost in the sea of comments on my facebook page.

I did call her a B***h which is very mildly abusive (to people with sticks up their butts I guess) so I shall redact it. But other than that, I was simply explaining myself and didn't talk about her. I DEFINITELY did not instruct my blog readers to attack her or bully her in any way, despite how she treated me.

In what appeared to me as an effort to use the Gushcloud saga to get more blog hits for her blog, Grace wrote nasty accusations about me, when I was NOTHING BUT NICE TO HER. 


What I felt was in really bad taste is that not only did she say untrue things about me, she conveniently also did the same to Dr Leslie Tay and everyone from Lee Kum Kee and threw them under the bus, insinuating we were all dishonest

These people had done nothing to her. Dr Leslie Tay is one of the nicest people I've met and we all know how important reputation is to a doctor!


If she genuinely felt so strongly that I'm a liar and that what we did was wrong (I insist it isn't), she could have easily walked away from the filming or blogged about my lying earlier. But she didn't, why? Why only when the Gushcloud expose came out? Is it because of the extra hits??


Grace saw my replies. She edited her post to include my replies, and wrote many snide remarks about me.

It includes her accusing me of being unprofessional because I was late, surreptitiously including a link to ask everyone to read SMRT's expose of me, and lots of blabber about her "awards" and how mine are given by my own company and therefore mean less than hers. Yeah yeah you very much more recognized than me as a blogger ok, give you win.

You can view the whole post archived here. (Warning: It's full of straw-grasping and self promotion)


I didn't even read her update (till after I got her PO summons) and I didn't respond to her. Because you know... insignificant to me.


POST 10 (neutral):


26th Dec 2014: (Excerpt) Grace blogs again about my Gushcloud expose.


POST 11 (positive):


27th Dec 2014: (Excerpt) Grace blogs about the whatsapp chat leak


POST 12 (positive): 


27th Dec 2014: Grace says I'm awesome!! ;)


POST 13 (positive): 


27th Dec 2014: (Excerpt) Grace blogs a second blog post within a day
about the whatsapp chat leak, and once again borders on reverence for me.


POST 14 (negative):


On the same day, 27th Dec 2014, Grace shares SMRT Feedback's nasty post about me.



Two days later, on 29th Dec 2014, Grace copied Shuyin's dayre post, which is an open letter to Yan Kay Kay, word-for-word wholesale on her blog.


POST 15 (Neutral, then edited to negative later):


Initially the blog post simply copied Shuyin's words, but was later edited. Grace contradicts herself by now claiming that no good can come out of reading Shuyin's blog post when it was her who blogged about it in the first place. -_-

Now, I am not Grace, and I cannot say for sure her intentions of reposting Shuyin's post.

But if you asked me to guess, she probably realised that this article of Shuyin's had gone viral. The dayre post had no title, which meant its url is something like http://dayre.me/mystylemsong/723782734.htm - with no title, the article is basically unsearchable in google.




(A screenshot of the search I did - 3rd search result also belongs to Grace)

Basically, anyone who wanted to read the article would be lead to Grace's page, giving her additional hits. It is smart and opportunistic, I'll admit.


POST 16 (negative):


30st Dec 2014: From being in awe of me just 3 days ago, she inexplicably decides that an article that's full of arrant rubbish is better than my Gushcloud expose and decides to link it.


The SMRT Expose 1.5 got her so excited she made 2 posts about it on her New Year. Maybe her New Year's Day wasn't very exciting.

POST 17 (negative):



POST 18 (negative):


1st Jan 2015: Grace makes 2 separate facebook posts sharing unsavoury content about me


The next day,  Grace again makes 2 more posts about me... Eh... why you keep talking about me nonstop??


POST 19 (negative):


2nd Jan 2015: She says I am not Asia Pacific's top blogger and that it's "self-proclaimed". 


She then calls me a "Pineapple blogger" - whatever that means - and calls me thick-skinned. (This is coming from somebody who talks about her "award-winning" blog all the time and had 314 instagram followers and 243 twitter followers before the PO saga.)

And LOL at the Chua Chun Hwee fellow's astute observation that Grace Tan is Singapore's top blogger. Yes she is!


POST 20 (negative):


2nd Jan 2015: Grace's second post of the day where she slides
 in yet another snide remark about me.



3 days later, on 5th of Jan 2015, Grace launches another double attack on me:


POST 21 (negative):


5th Jan 2015: Grace links up an unflattering article about me 
and calls me a #pineappleblogger, showing off her witty sense of humour


POST 22 (negative):


5th Jan 2015: Grace accuses me of manipulating the stock market

Grace links a defamatory facebook post of her ardent love SMRT Feedback and claims I'm actually breaking the law.

Unless Grace has proof (and I'm sorry, hearsay on a highly disreputable website written by idiots don't count), how can she spread a baseless statement like that about me?






Now, I've showed, with proof, of 22 separate posts (both on her blog and facebook - not counting comments on those posts) that Grace Tan have wrote about me or mentioned me in a span of 2 months.

Sometimes, I'm on her mind so much that she even blogs about me more than once a day!! 


Which begs this question...

LOLz I'm honoured but it's starting to creep me out




I would like to emphasize that till this point, despite all she wrote about me, I DID NOT RETALIATE OR RESPOND IN ANY WAY.


The only time I ever mentioned her or in fact, cared about her existence, was the post I showed where I explained the Lee Kum Kee situation to a reader. Even then she wasn't my concern. My concern was explaining to my reader what actually happened during filming.


Grace Tan has harassed me, provoked me and insulted me openly on many occasions and I, ironically, handled the situation with grace. *pats self on back*


While she used her public platforms (albeit limited popularity although supposedly award-winning) to spread untruths and offensive articles about me, I have never abused my popularity to attack her back.


Honestly, I didn't even know how to respond to her because on one hand she seems to like and respect me, and on the other hand she seems to hate me and despise me.



Erm ok Grace.. 
I'll leave you to sort out your feelings...








On 21st of March 2015, a guy named Walter Lim (I don't know who he is) linked up a Straits Times article on his facebook page. The article is about my Gushcloud expose 2.

Irrelevant comments are redacted.





Unprovoked, Grace decided to attack me (again) with two very invalid accusations. I was quoted in the article as saying I didn't expect the Singtel matter to blow up THAT BIG.



Further down the comments, Grace admits she plans to "go to war"
with me after setting up a committee.



A friend of mine linked me to this Walter Lim's facebook post. I got incensed, so I replied. Honestly, there is only so much one can take.


I replied her comment with my personal and very private facebook account, not my public one.

Insulting/abusive words are redacted. Don't want to have her say I'm harassing her again.





Sorry you have to read this inane crap but since Grace Tan claims I am harassing her and cyberbullying her I must show everything that transpired between us, right?

And I don't know what Grace is talking about when she claims I am saying she plagiarized her book. I merely asked an innocuous question. *blinks eyes




Ok so that's the end of our stupid facebook tiff.

As I wrote the 3rd comment, it occurred to me that Grace Tan seems unable to debate logically so this was a major waste of my time. Most of the time I had no idea what she is talking about. What students?? Why suddenly talking about Dawn Yang or Eunice Annabel??! WHAT'S GOING ON?



As such, before Grace went to file for a PO, I already clearly stated I will not be replying any further:

"Now now, you are clearly a little kee s**o so I won't engage in verbal sparring with you anymore."



This is me saying I have said my piece and vented my frustrations, so I'm not going to retaliate any further.

True to my word, I never did.



In other words, she knew that I wasn't planning on "harassing" her again, yet she still went ahead with wasting the court's time.


Not happy, I assume, with what transpired on Walter Lim's post, Grace attacked me on her social media again:


POST 23 (negative):



22nd Mar 2015: Grace shares a horrible hate site of me


Within the same day, she does it again:


POST 24 (negative):


I'm super scary!!


After this, Grace went to file for the Protection Order, claiming I harassed her and cyberbullied her.

WHATT??????!


Grace's Originating Summons and Affidavit are very entertaining. These are public court documents, accessible to anyone who wishes to read it, so I am reposting my favourite bits here.


After Walter Lim incident, Grace got very busy! She didn't really "peace out", there's loads to do!



She wrote to our Ministers


This includes our grieving Prime Minister, WHOSE FATHER JUST PASSED AWAY ONE DAY AGO. Wow, how sensitive.

Also, the Minister of Law, and the Deputy Prime Minister.



Because who cares if your father just died? 
Grace Tan is harassed and that should be the top priority.


In this email Grace carefully crafted, there is absolutely no mention of the numerous times SHE has harassed me and cyberbullied me (hey, she's an award-winning popular blogger you know. Poor me), nor how she had provoked me into replying her and later she had the last word.

And wow, I didn't know I got Protection OrderS against my VICTIMS!! I'm sorry, but HOW is SMRT Feedback a victim of mine?! They - or he, could be just one schizophrenic dude pretending to be many - are anonymous and the anonymous cannot be insulted or harmed.

And of course, showing the court your opinion that the courts have somehow allowed me to abuse the judicial system under their nose is a very clever idea indeed.



She saw a doctor for her loose stools





She filed not one but TWO police reports

I cannot think of a better use of our law enforcement's time.


Again, no mention that she insulted me first.

She even tried to make it seem like she didn't insult me just because my name was not expressly stated. Putting my name there is irrelevant as everyone knows she is talking about me. My name was in the freaking title of Walter Lim's post. Is her motive to lead everyone to believe I fired the first salvo?




WHY IS MY PURPLE HAIR BLUE TO GRACE I FIND THIS ALARMING. Maybe I bullied her into colour-blindness. O_o

Also my hair isn't permed don't anyhow say lol




In the affidavit, she also included many other testimonials to how fantastically awesome her book and workshop are, although how they are relevant to the case I have no idea. However, Grace seems to have cultivated a habit of doing that so I suppose at every possible avenue she must. She also included articles and emails of people who don't like me saying I am a cyberbully. Eh... ok.

My legal counsel was very perplexed by her affidavit.




After filing the PO, Grace took to her blog and wrote about "suing" me. This obviously isn't accurate as she is merely filing a Protection Order. The post has been taken down but you can read it here.


POST 25 (negative):

30th Mar 2015: Grace announces on facebook she's suing me


The post includes a graphic of a snowflake symbolising me and the text "Keep Calm and Say No to Bullying".


The news outlets got to hear of this and one after another erroneously reports that I'm being sued.


POST 26 (negative):


30th Mar 2015: Excerpt from blog (Full post here, deleted now)


Reeling, or because if everyone sees the Walter post they can tell who is really harassing who?

Why are you reeling Grace? How I reacted towards you (till before this post) is very mild compared to what I have done to others, and you know this.

To claim shock from my reaction is ludicrous. You do not poke a sleeping dragon in the eye and then say you are surprised and offended at the dragon's typical dragon behaviour.

You claim you are extremely terrified of me, that I cause you health problems, but yet you continue to attack me, time and again. This behaviour is extremely perplexing.


Grace's noble and virtuous intentions 
will bring good to the blogosphere 
for years to come:

(Excerpt from blog) 

Just one day after the mourning period, Grace invokes Mr Lee Kuan Yew's name for her righteous campaign to end Cyberbullying.

And wow!

You wish for a better blogosphere and you are doing this for the children!!! How gracious and kind of you!! I MUST ASK DASHIEL TO THANK YOU FOR MAKING A BETTER FUTURE


(Excerpt from blog)

DON'T FORGET TO PROMOTE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA!! IT'S NOT EVERYDAY YOU GET TO BE ON NEWSPAPER!!

And yes, it is totally logical that if you believe in Saying No to Bullying, you should follow Grace on instagram.

Eh guys! If you believe in ending child abuse, human trafficking, rape, murder or discrimination of any kind, PLEASE FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM. @xiaxue @xiaxue @xiaxue FOLLOW, YOU HEARTLESS PERSON SURELY YOU CARE ABOUT THOSE CAUSES

That same day, Grace blogs a second blog post about the PO. Very hardworking this one.


POST 27 (negative):

30th Mar 2015: (Excerpt) Grace blogs about how I've been attacking her "FOR A LONG TIME".


Yes because 3 comments over the span of 2 days is a super long time... To a Mayfly whose entire lifespan could be over in that time.



LOL I actually managed to find a Mayfly comic


(Excerpt) Sorry my vulgarities chilled your heart or caused you to have loose stools Grace


And of course, your "advertisers" (which I'm sure are plenty), all read Walter Lim's PERSONAL facebook timeline and would have noticed that ONE post of his where I left you a few comments. That makes sense.

As for mental illnesses, I'm sorry I called you bi****r, Grace.

It is now clear to me, that based on your actions, you are a fully sane person.

You obviously do not have a debilitating mental condition which makes you go from mania to depression and back again.

Your actions of going to war with me, writing rude emails to my lawyer, believing you can take on the world; that's bravery, not mania. Your actions of how you suddenly get health problems, stating you cannot eat or sleep, or wishing repeatedly this saga is over, only to adruptly fan it again - that's not depression, that's simply normal for someone going through what you are going through.

Therefore, I apologize sincerely for calling you bi****r. You do not display the symptoms at all.

OMG TIME FOR A RAPIDLY-CHANGING HAIR COLOUR GIF

Grace Tan says I have rapidly-changing hair colours


For the most part, I felt that Grace's post was full of self-righteousness and blatant self-promotion, so when reading my eyes begin to glaze over.

But one part made me really, really angry.



Grace took screenshots of everyone who liked my Walter Lim comment (14 likes) and wrote her own descriptions of who she thinks they are and how they are related to me, in an apparent attempt to name and shame them.

She even included the companies they work at. WHY MUST INCLUDE THE COMPANIES? You want to get them into trouble at their jobs?? For liking a facebook comment?!

What is wrong with you?

People can like my comment for a myriad of reasons. It can be that they like that I'm finally standing up to a hater who has wrote nasty stuff about me for a long time, and by long time I mean not just 2 days.

It can be that they are a fan of my witty humour. Maybe they like my rapidly-changing hair. It can be that they just don't like you. It can be that their baby accidentally pressed the phone. It can be that they agree with a single valid point in my comment.

Like Smith Leong (in the list) verified, he isn't a supporter of mine, he just liked my comment because he liked how I said I have also insulted Nuffnang bloggers and felt it was a valid point.


(Excerpt from Grace's blog: Grace thinks 14 likes constitutes to "a lot of people".)

WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE???


Grace insults my mom. 

In her affidavit she even put up a printscreen of my mother's personal details. FOR WHAT YOU TELL ME?

And for her to accuse my mom of "supporting a vicious attack" is totally baseless. Firstly, you don't know WHY she likes the comment, maybe she didn't agree with some of the more vulgar language but she supports my stand. Certainly my mother doesn't owe you an explanation.

And why must Grace point out those two likers who are new moms??! 

WHAT HAS THAT GOT DO WITH ANYTHING??

Why is she trying to insinuate that Elaine Woo is a bad mother who went to like comments on facebook instead of being busy caring for her newborn?? OMG SERIOUSLY I'M SO FURIOUS I CANNOT. 

GRACE TAN MUI GEK, YOU ARE NOT A MOTHER AND YOU HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH MOTHERHOOD.

So do not presume to make assumptions on how mothers spend their day or how they should behave. Who died and made you an authority on this?



Most of these people aren't public figures.

For Grace to names and shame all these innocent people who did nothing but like a facebook comment, and then claim to be an advocate and martyr for anti-bullying - well that is rich and ironic.

Wait you post up their identities on your award-winning blog they get loose stools how?

How would you like it if I posted up a picture of your fiance here and said where he works??



(Excerpt from blog) Grace wants her drama-free life back. 

Yes yes, you want it all to stop... You don't have time for this, but you have time to file two police reports, write to the ministers, and file a Protection Order. We believe you.

Because you'd think someone who doesn't want drama and has better things to do will take a hiatus from the internet instead of posting more more more!!!


POST 28 (negative):

30th Mar 2015: Grace reposts the offensive picture of the "likers" on her facebook.



(Excerpt from blog)

Grace ends the blog post by telling us she is super considerate by not ruining Dash's birthday because she is SOOOO kind-hearted.

Thank you. 

Your benevolence, altruism and consideration is deeply appreciated, notwithstanding that YOU were the one who chose 1 day before his birthday to do this to me. But but but you were being bullied! I understand this absolutely cannot wait. :)

Once I got your case, I referred my lawyer to handle it.

Initially, I even thought of not even appearing for the hearing because I was that confident that an aggressor will not be able to obtain a PO. That would be most unjust. But since you publicized it and the media took interest, I decided it's best to lawyer up.

After midnight on the 30th, I stayed up all night after Dash went to bed to find the links of all the above 27 posts you made about me and screenshot everything.

At 8am I finally finished, after sieving through many of your posts which I must declare is a supreme waste of my time and quite dull work. I might have watched an episode of House of Cards in between. I sent the evidence to Wei Li and he took over.


With barely a few hours of fitful rest, I dragged myself awake and took Dash to the Zoo to celebrate his birthday as I promised.

We spent the whole day there and had a smashing time.



So you'd understand I do not appreciate seeing you insinuate that I AM A BAD MOTHER:


POST 29 (negative):

31st Mar 2015 (Dash's birthday): Grace says I am a self centered parent on her Instagram


Naturally, even without me breathing a word, she got hate on that post for her unfounded accusations:

(Screenshot sent by a friend)
Grace Tan thinks lawyer's letters are written by the clients.... 
Then pay them for what??


POST 30 (negative):

30th Mar 2015

You shouldn't eat such heavy food if you have loose stools...


 POST 31 (negative):

31st Mar 2015


Suddenly it's my fault that her fiance decides to sleep on the floor instead of on a couch or an extra tilam... Seriously...

Word of advice Grace: If you don't like this saga, maybe you can, I don't know... KEEP QUIET ABOUT IT? Just a suggestion.



POST 32 (negative):

7th April 2015: Grace continues to make snide remarks

Maybe she's referring to me since my Chinese name is Yanyan. Or maybe she's referring to her other friends Pocky or London Choco Roll.

 My namesake is a popular snack





In Grace's affidavit, she included a screenshot of someone reviewing her blogging workshop. (Not clear its relevance to the case)

In it is a paragraph which I find illuminating:

Someone who went for Grace's workshop said Grace advises bloggers
to get on mainstream media for more traffic

She seems to take her own advice well and bragged many times about the Lee Kum Kee Cookoff, putting it as a badge on her sidebar.

And from her blog...

(Excerpt from blog) Grace admits blogging about me makes her popular


Again and again Grace claims she wants her drama-free life back and that she hates every moment after she decided to make very public her quest for a PO against me.

Which begs the question:

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST 
QUIETLY SEEK A PO??


She didn't have to repeatedly blog about it, accept media interviews or keep talking about it on social media. I have kept very quiet, so there is no need for her to be perpetuating and prolonging the saga.

Perhaps Grace knew that it sure looks pretty damning she's purely seeking publicity, so she decides to tell everyone that she is making a huge sacrifice in doing this for a noble reason:




Definition of bullying:

To use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force them to do something



IT SAYS RIGHT THERE IN THE DEFINITION.

To claim someone is bullying you, they need to have more power than you.


Again and again Grace claims I bullied her, but I never did.

Many people can say I cyberbullied them, but not Grace.


I used my personal, private facebook account to comment on the Walter Lim post, not my public one.


She cannot claim cyberbullying, because I have never once directed my readers to attack her. She and I are equals on that platform, since both of us were using our private facebook accounts to comment.

Did Grace bully me?

Using her award-winning blog, she has repeatedly shamed me and insinuated that I am oppressing, badgering and bullying her without cause or reason, and should be viewed by the public as some kind of menace and tyrant.

She named and shamed the people who liked my facebook comment.

I don't care if, in the past, there have been instances of me "cyberbullying". You call it cyberbullying I call it standing up for myself. But whatever, call me a cyberbully if you wish. BUT THE ISSUE HERE ISN'T ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I'M A CYBERBULLY.

The issue here is that I NEVER DID BULLY GRACE TAN, so it's not for HER to claim that I am. That is a LIE.

And besides, I think that she has no rights to chanting the anti-bullying mantra, based on her own behaviour.


Sorry this blog post is so bloody long.


HERE'S THE BIT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR:



Shockingly enough, Grace appointed solicitors 1 day before and then didn't even bother to turn up. What happened to #SayNoToBullying and its importance?

During the pre-trial conference, the Judge said she isn't inclined to make a decision, and advised lawyers to settle out of court.

After discussion (which was made difficult since she wasn't physically there), certain terms were came to for a settlement.

  •  Grace will withdraw her PO application.
  •  Grace will remove all the offensive articles she posted about me in their entirety, and I will in turn not sue her for defamation.
  •  We both agree not to post any insulting, abusive or threatening communication about each other.


Now, I am advised by my lawyers that my case is very strong.

If I didn't want to agree to these terms, it is very likely that she simply won't get her PO at all and I will win the case.

However, the Judge has said that if we cannot settle, she will order mediation sessions. If those don't work, finally a PO hearing. This wastes time, maybe months, and lawyer costs will run very high.

After which, if she fails to get the PO after the final hearing, the law may allow me to claims my legal fees and disbursements from her, which can amount up to FIVE FIGURES.


Anybody else similarly thinking of frivolously applying for an unjustified PO against me, please take this into consideration. It seems a high price to pay for publicity.


The only con of me agreeing to settle is that it might seem like a victory for Grace to have achieved the same aim as if she got the PO - that I don't write nasty stuff about her in future.

But there is one HUGE difference.

The difference is that I agreed to doing that ON MY OWN VOLITION.

It is out of charity and goodwill that I decide to agree to that, not that the court agreed that I harassed her and forced me to.

There is no reason for me not to agree, since I have already said she is nothing to me and very dull a subject to write about. It comes at no loss to me since I do not plan of giving her any more of the publicity she seems to crave.

And in exchange, I settle the case there and then instead of dragging it out for months, she removes the offensive and untrue stuff she posted about me, and can't further post nasty stuff about me. It seems like a good deal.

We both signed the undertaking.

That night, Grace locked up her instagram. Just to be extra safe, she didn't accept any new followers.

3 days was the deadline for Grace to remove her offensive posts, which is more than ample time. One of the offensive posts is still up. Also, the worst post, she kept online after her deadline, thereby breaching her undertaking. (screenshot)

Furthermore, since I don't know anyone who follows her on instagram, there is no way for me to verify that she removed the offensive posts on instagram or posted new nasty comments about me.

She seems insincere in fulfilling her promises. I regret settling and I should have gone all the way, and made her pay my legal fees.


But whatever...





I cannot believe I had to deal with all this asinine crap, wasting both me and my lawyer's time.

I don't attack people unless they provoke me first. People insult me on a daily basis and every single day I make the choice to let it slide; to be the bigger person.

But I too am human and sometimes, I do get angry. Grace Tan had wrote about me negatively 11 times on separate occasions (if you count Walter Lim comments as 1) before I finally snapped and replied her.


My reputation has been thoroughly sullied by Grace Tan. Not because she is so popular and everyone reads her or anything but because the mainstream media picked up the news and misreported it.


I have a responsibility to explain to my readers who are asking me what happened.

I am writing this post, not to harass her, but because I have a right to defend my reputation when it is being maligned in a widespread fashion. And true to the undertaking I've agreed on, I have tried my best to make this post factual. None of my usual vulgarities, yeah?


I would like to clearly state that after today, I will not be commenting on Grace Tan any further. 


I am not interested. She is insignificant and unimportant to me and is therefore not worth any more of my time.

Dear Grace, I hope you are pleased with the publicity you have gotten with this episode.

When people talk about Grace Tan in future, maybe they will remember you as that blogger that sought a Protection Order against Xiaxue only to withdraw it?


Or maybe they will remember you as that blogger that Xiaxue caused to have loose stools?





Hope your stools got firmer my dear.

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