The Battle Against the Double Chin

Advertorial

After getting a nose job, the thing I hated the most about my face had to be my chin and neck.

I know you guys are probably thinking I am being ludicrous, but most of the pictures you see on this blog are majorly photoshopped anyway! You have no idea how much I have to push my jaw in with liquify (photoshop tool)!!!!!!!

And not to mention my stupid fatass neck. What a stupid area to get fats in!

Anyway, double chins and neck fats are notoriously hard to get rid of. I remembered asking Dr Martin Huang how he would suggest I get a bloody slender neck, and he gave me loads of options but all of them sounded rather complicated (and expensive)!

He also suggested perhaps a chin implant, but...

1) I don't wanna end up looking like THIS FREAK:

Blergh!

And 2) I HAVE A CHIN!!! I do! It's just that it's hidden under fats!

So you can imagine I was really quite excited when I was given a new product to try:

THE FACE BRA!!!!!!!!!!

Here's Yufit's hot face shaper bra!

And their Age and Lock neck and chin face bra...

The difference between the two products is that one (the hot one) is meant to burn fats while the other moisturises and reduces wrinkles!

And both do facial slimming, lifting up of face and reducing double chin!!


I think it's really cool that people are finally coming up with products meant for the chin and neck, which are so often neglected and yet as important as the face!

A box of the Hot face bra for $35 with 7 packets inside.

Age-lock with 14 masks altogether in one box.

The Hot face bra claims to be "self-heating".

Does it really work?

And what exactly is a "FACE BRA"??

I'm going to try it on now!!

Here's the mask stretched out.

Hang both ends on your ears!!

And the suspicious liquid on my shin was dripped from the mask. -_-

And I have it on!

SHOCKINGLY enough, after about 5 mins of having the face bra on, it started to heat up!!

And I mean REALLY heat up!!

I don't know what magical ingredient is in there but if it's so hot it's surely burning SOMETHING right??

AND you won't believe this but it continues being hot for the next 40 mins! I mean hot is in "spicy" hot, not temperature hot btw.


Anyway I had to wait for 30 - 40 minutes while having the mask on so while waiting, I check out the other products Lush Group sent me!

Sunscreen, 2 bb creams, and 2 foundations!!

And check out Elishacoy's luscious masks and cleanser!!

Of all the products they sent me, my favourite is...

The Milk Cacao Black Sugar Scrub!!!!

It looks all brownish and gross here but I assure you that it's super luxurious!!!!!!!

I'm madly in love with it!

The scrub smells SO FREAKING GOOD! The smooth brown gel just glides onto your skin and it smells like rich chocolate with a strong caramel scent...

I was so freaking tempted to taste it but managed to stop myself...

When you put it on your skin, you can feel the sugar grains... And as you rub and exfoliate, the grains disappear!

Not only does your skin become super soft afterwards, you can also see how u look like tan coz the gel is dark brown!! LOL... So fun.


I also like their cleanser btw. It's pretty good! Not too dry after using and quite foamy.

Also, Elishacoy’s product are all made from organic and botanical ingredients which are suitable for sensitive skin!!



Ok after 40 mins of the hot face bra...

HERE ARE THE RESULTS!!!

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BEFORE, with no photoshop on chin/jawline

AFTER!! (With Pumpkin climbing on my lap)

It's a bit hard to tell the difference so here are the before and after side by side:

What do you think? Got difference???

Here's another Before and After photo I took about 1 month ago when I first got the product...

I think the slimming is more apparent here!


I mean obviously the difference is not going to be freaking remarkably different. After all, I only tried the mask twice, and it's not magic!


I can definitely feel my skin tighten though. Even if it doesn't slim down your face or your face is slim enough, it is still useful to prevent wrinkles and moisturize!

So here I am also doing the Age and Lock mask on my neck!!! :D :D :D It makes me look like I have a stiff collar. LOL!!


Can't believe I showed you all my non-photoshopped jawline!! Utterly flabby and gross!!


Here's the photoshopped one. I insist.

Definitely more effective than the face bra but too bad it can't be used in real life. Boo!!!!!

Last chio pic!

Yufit's face shaper bra and Age-Lock Cold face shaper bra cost $35 each and are available at all SASA cosmetic stores and John Little departmental stores.

Elishacoy's products are available at all John Little departmental stores. Have fun shopping!

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My CNA interview!!

Got the link of this from Super Kawaii Mama (Candice), an awesome Aussie blogger!!

Click to watch the interview of Bossming, Candice and I on CNA live!





The female host's nose is muthafucking small. I can't stop looking at it when I was there and wondering how she ever digs her nose!!


p/s: I feel like interviewers always ask me the same questions and I'm always repeating myself. I sound so boring.

p/p/s: Can anyone explain to me why embedding a youtube vid on blogspot sites always results in the box moving to funny places? And perhaps, kindly, how to solve this problem??

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Off to scuba dive!

Going off on a short trip this weekend to Dayang island for diving!!

I'd be back on sunday but meanwhile, photo of the moment and Twitter won't be updated as I don't want to use data roaming! (Can become crazy expensive!!)

Ok just thought I'd let you guys know. Byeeee!

Xoxo

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Delicious Like Mee!

Advertorial

Everyone knows I'm a HUGE fan of instant mee.

Besides the fact that I mostly take my dinners at about 3am when food choices are sparse, instant mee can also be really delicious!!

And not to mention easy to prepare.

So imagine how happy I was when Nong Shim (and that's an instant mee brand in case you live in a box) sponsored me 2 huge packs of their new flavours to try!!

AND I AM GOING TO COOK THEM!!!!!!!!

Here I am, pretending to be a connoisseur of noodles with a crudely drawn on chef hat.

And my noodles - in Kimchi and Curry Ramen! Both sound promising!


Ok lah I'd be honest here. Actually I didn't think the kimchi sounded promising, because I don't like kimchi!

However, there is something different about THIS packet:

It has freaking CHEESE in it!!

I've never tried Nong Shim noodles prior to this, so before agreeing to do this advertorial, I asked Shuyin if their noodles were nice. She answered that they were, and the kimchi flavour tasted really good if cheese were to be added to it.


So I guess the company has realised this and made new flavours with cheese already added inside for everyone's convenience!


In fact, I did some research and found out that the Koreans all put cheese in their kimchi noodles! It's like a norm there!

Nong Shim's kimchi noodle has been a major hit in Singapore since its launch and still is - but this new variant is added with cheese for a twist!

BOTH variants can be found in all major supermarkets.

And another friend, Sheng Rong, abso-fucking-lutely LOVES Nong Shim. He said it's his FAVOURITE instant mee. But then again he also likes sea urchin and stuff like that, so I didn't really trust him.

Well, it's time to try them out!

Here's my "lunch" (8pm)... The packets are HUGE! The tiny packet is your normal instant mee's size.

The instructions are very precise - down to the SECOND!! It tells you to cook for 4mins 30seconds.

However, for a master chef such as myself, I'm gonna cook it according to my superior gut feel.

Here's my ingredients for the Curry Ramen... Not including the can opener and tomato timer at the background - We have...

- Coconut Milk

- An egg

It is of course not necessary to add the extra ingredients in but imho, curry ramen always tastes better with an egg in it!

The coconut milk of course makes it much more fragrant.

Inside the packs...

Bringing my soup to a boil...

Egg added...

AND DONE!!!

Here's my work of art - how does it look??

I don't care what you say, it looks awesome!

QQ bouncy noodles... Yums!

Now for the taste test:

PASS WITH FLYING COLOURS!!!!!!!! Hahahaha!!

It's damn nice lah!!

You will notice that my noodles are rather dry. That's coz I love the soup thicker and more tasty - plus (and these are words of wisdom), you can always add plain water to the soup if it's too thick, but if it's too diluted you can't do anything about it!

Anyway, the curry is really different from all the other curry flavoured noodles!

It is thicker... more "sandy" if u know what I mean, in a good way - more textured. Also not so spicy - kinda like japanese curry!

Loves it!!

Nong shim's noodles, as Sheng Rong has warned me, are a bit difficult to get perfect. And I mean the noodles themselves.

The noodles are slightly thicker and more Q than normal instant mee, so to get it right you have to take them out whenever they are ready - ie after every noodle stopped being hard!

The end result - soft and smooth on the outside, with the core delightfully al dente!! It's carb heaven!

Now for the Cheese Kimchi flavour!

Here's my ingredients for this:

- Veggies - is it called Xiao bai cai??

- Cheese cubes!

Bright red flavouring

After adding the powder to the base, the smell of cheese came out so strongly that I decided to just use one extra cube of cheese instead of two coz it really seems to be enough already!

Simmering...

I felt a little apprehensive eating this (as I didn't like kimchi) but it's scrumptious!!!!!!!!!!!

To my pleasant surprise, it doesn't have the very strong sour smell of kimchi at all! Or maybe it does (I only had kimchi ONCE) but somehow I love it!!

The soup is delightfully savoury and flavourful... Spicy, with the melty aftertaste of cheese. And yes, the cheese can DEFINITELY be tasted!! Very creamy too!

It is a very unique flavour. No other noodles I've ever tried tastes even vaguely similar!!

Hiyah don't know how to describe lah. It's just nice and yummy! Not very expensive anyway so just go try it out yourself!!

Here's Mike and I eating our noodles while watching TV!!!!

He looks so blissful everytime I cook, lol

And finished right to the last bite!!

You hungry yet?

Get your own Nong Shim at all major supermarkets! :D

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More photos of me than you can ever bargain for

So here are the pictures for the Photoshop Contest!!!!!!

For those of you slow fuckers who have JUST started reading my blog and have no idea what I'm talking about, some time ago I did a popular blog entry where I photoshopped my ugliest old photos!!

CLICK HERE to read it.

So anyway, I chose the ugliest pic...

This one...

And asked my readers to send me their photoshopped creations too, just to see if they can make such an ugly photo look pretty!!!

And here is what I did:


After photoshop!

So... I thought like 5 or 6 people would submit their creations, but by the next day I was swamped with over a 100 entries!!!!!!!

After MUCH procrastination (sorry lah, at least I did post this in the end), here are the submissions!!!


There are too many photos to credit everyone, and anyway, most of you sent me, frankly speaking, hideous work anyway, so don't credit you all also better lah!! HAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!


Sorry lah but some of the work is really very scary lor!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHA!! For those who sent in the edited pictures, please don't get upset if I say it's bad k!! It's not personal!! I STILL LOVE YA ALL!!!


I know all of you have good intentions when sending me your artwork, but one thing REALLY pisses me off.


Some of you sent me photos where you edited MY 'AFTER' PHOTO.

May I ask what the fuck is your point? This gets me really fucking angry because what I edited is already nice, so why would you go mess around with it??? It's like spitting on my work! I DO NOT like people messing with MY art, ok?

Alright enough complaining...



Ok let's start:


(Pictures edited by two individuals are put side by side so that the entry won't be too long. "L" is my comments for the Left pic, "R" is the comments for the Right pic.)

L: I don't like what you did to my forehead!

R: This scares me.



L: After getting over how this looks like a ghost,
I've decided I quite like it.
I look like a fat geisha who got murdered
and came back to haunt Hatsomomo.

R: Good job!



R: Quite like it if not for mysterious dark patch at the eyes...



L: Doesn't vaguely look like me anymore
but I concede it's better than the original.

R: Hideous



L: How come you made me look like a tranny?!

R: I declare this second best of the lot...
Done by Cherin... Nice!!
She even used my made-up eyes from another picture!!!!




L: Nice hair, but face, nah...



L: Look like drown victim...



R: Nice try, no need to photoshop eyes!!! LOL



R: Excuse me the cheeks look like got cheek implants inflammation lor...
And a weeeeeeee bit too much eyeliner I think. LOL



R: I like the attitude.





L: I think I won't buy pink contacts then...

R: Eyes, eyebrows are nice, but nose too wide!





L: How come look like Nicolas Cage??

R: I love the glasses!



L: A bit over enthu with the eyeshadow!

R: Doesn't look like me but much better than the original for sure!
Got earrings somemore!



R: Chio clip, face still hideous. So ugly still act cute will get boxed you know?







L: So it is true what they say... Bunny ears can't help you if you look ghastly.



R: Excuse me I consider this to be vandalism on my photo.
It was already ugly but you didn't have to make me look THAT terrible.



These two pics done by same person...
Me + Ayumi, and Me + unknown unfortunate female celeb!!
Even Ayumi's chioness can't save me lor. It's tragic.



L: Ermmm.... WTF??

R: Edited from my "after" photo. Made it even uglier wtf.





R: Now I definitely look like I have some kind of severe skin disease...





R: What race am I supposed to be?



L: That settles it, I'm not gonna cut my hair like that.

R: Green eyeshadow!! Saucy!







R: I like my uniform pink, but fail otherwise.



L: Chio hair! Good effort on matching the eyebrows too.
But I think you choose another face better...



R: Why would you make me look even fatter?!



R: Very sweet to give me a Tiffany necklace, but the face... too crooked!



R: Why is there a "what" there??



R: Awesome tan! LOLLL



R: Cap looks realistic, but face still does not.



R: The hair is a little fake but the feature's proportions are good!
And one of the nicest noses!! Done by Junhao.







R: This looks freakishly like it could be a real person out there...



L: Looks angsty!

R: Creative with the eye make up aren't we?



These two are quite scary...





R: Ok that's it I announce I do not like hair like this!



R: Face lift!



L: Like the colours but the hair is still hideous...





L: Edited from my "After" photo. Idiot.

R: No more wispy black hair!!






And now, I shall announce the winner of the contest!!



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HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!

Done by Shermin Ong!!! Muthafucking funny or what??????????


I laughed for like 5 whole minutes when I saw this. Definitely creative!


Ok lah that's it hope you all don't get nightmares from the pictures...

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Watch New Videos!

XIAXUE'S GUIDE TO LIFE



Guide to Emergency Household tips!!

My very own special method of hiding period stains
on your skirt!! LOL!!



Guide to photoshop part II!!

Many of you have requested for this...

More ways to lie and cheat your way to internet chioness!



CHICK VS DICK



Kaykay and Paul are forced to phone their
parents and blabber the most vulgar words!

Watch to find out why!



THE SHAN AND ROZZ SHOW



Shan and Rozz interviews Ris Low, who turns out
to be a bit ding dong!

This episode even made it to The Newpaper (2 pages can?)
and she even strips down to her bikini... You just HAVE to watch it!



NUMBNUTS




Poor boys... Numbnuts indeed - forced to sit naked on ice cubes...

Loser gets pepper sprayed in the face!

Really, you should watch it just coz they suffer so much...




The boys get into a cage fight.

LOSER EATS A FUCKING BALUT!!

That fucking thing is how muthafucking gross!

I gagged like five times watching this.

p/s: You guys need to chill about the promised blog entries ok? I'm gonna write them, but a good entry needs inspiration and time!!

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Wolves in the photographer's clothing

NSFW


Today I was just thinking to myself... Why the hell is it that all these male, "amatuer" photographers all like to photograph these "models" in lingerie or bikini??

If they are so interested in photography, then why don't they shoot other things such as... family portraits, close-up shots of a fly's eyes, a droplet of water dropping into a pool of water etc etc other artsy fartsy nonsense?

WHY GIRLS??

And the most puzzling of all... Why do they like to shoot FLAWED girls??

Ok I know. Firstly, they would of course want to shoot flawless girls if possible, but flawless girls are unlikely to want to be shot by amatuer lechers, plus they are of limited stock.

Secondly, I know even people like Megan Fox have their flaws, but I don't mean like a clubbed thumb...

I mean like... They are trying so hard to ooze sexuality and then it's like they are hideous.

I know I sound fucking elitist or something, but it just seems to me that it's totally silly to allow a girl's armpit fats to ruin an otherwise good piece of photography!

I mean, if you changed the subject from a race queen with terrible black roots to, say, a butterfly or an elderly woman pushing a cart, it just won't be RUINED that way, you get what I mean??

Anyway that's not what I'm gripping about. I'd get back to this later.

I am actually really annoyed with the increment of these "photographers" around, who are actually just wankers wanting to snap a sexy shot for his evening stroke.

Honestly man, if you are a fucking pervert, just fucking admit it instead of parading around with your E05 or whatever and pretending to care about the fucking proper lighting!

Let's see... If we let them choose between shooting a fat tou geh plucking auntie with the most fabulous lighting and equipment... or shooting a nude race queen with a compact camera, which do you think they will pick?

Please leh! The nude of course! You know why? Coz they are fucking wankers!


The whole "models" photography culture is just sick.


If you go to Clubsnap's forum, you will see pages like this.


Girls, whored out by these organisers... Enticing these "photographers" with either lingerie, bikini or sexy fashion shoots... Guess which is the most expensive?


For $100 you can snap snap snap away at a model of your choice while you try to entice her to give even more smothering looks and jut out her ass more.

Then you can go home and wank to the close-up boobage shots, while imagining having a kinky photographer-model relationship with her.


After that, even better still, you can add the "artistic" shots to your portfolio and earn respect as a PHOTOGRAPHER!!!!!!!!

Not.

I don't know what these men are thinking when they snap all these slutty photos, but here's what I think when I see some of them.

"How did she manage to get such a hideous bikini?"




"Invisible mirror squishing monster!! HAHAHA!
Ass distractingly flat."




"MUST... GIVE... SMOTHERING... LOOK... No matter what...."





"Why is she wearing a bra to shower? That doesn't seem to make much sense?

Hard to dry... Imagine all the padding heavy and soaked with water. Urgh!
Must bring the bra home in a plastic bag.
If she got no other bra and wears the bra home
she will look like she is lactating HAHAHAHA!"




"Fine I'd buy you that LV bag now please put your clothes back on."





"AHAHHAHA I REALLY don't think you fit into the S sized top!"




"Surely that beach is not very clean..."




"I open the toilet door and URGHHHH!!!!
What sort of person sits on a toilet bowl with underwear on?
You peeing through it??"




"You are facing the wrong way."




"Is her ass cold on that table?
When she stands up, will the table have ass-shaped steam marks?
Did they photograph that? Coz that would be FUNNEH!!!"





"No."





"Really now... Don't ever wear a thong again."





"The phone must be ringing and she REALLY doesn't want to pick it up.
Ooohh... Label on shoes? How much?"




"My god woman, put your pants back on!
And next time, please wear matching lingerie for christ's fuck sake."





"Her asscrack is entirely too short."



"She is surely not very comfortable..."




"WTF? And honestly, who you trying to bluff with
BOTH bra straps falling down 'accidentally'??"

So anyway... My point is... Do those photos show off great photography skills? Not one bit. They just show how fucking perverse the photographer is.

If you have real talent, why would you try to distract from it with all these sexual vibes?? I don't think anyone is looking at the composition or whatever is important in photography coz everyone's trying to find nipple slips!!


I must, of course, credit the photographer whom I got all these photos from.

Dunno his name but at least he is not a hypocrite - he did go semi-naked himself complete with come-hither eyes.



Check out his photographer 'friends'....

They are buzzing around these car shows like flies on corpses... Gross.


p/s: I have nothing against girls taking such photos. As you all would possibly point out, Kaykay also does such shots. What she does is her business and if it earns her money without hurting anyone, why not?

Hell even I took bikini shots for Maxim before.

My disdain is for the lecherous photographers, not the models. Although, it is still fun to laugh at the ugly models when they do stupid poses.

What? They dare to take then dare to be criticised lah! Nothing wrong what! You all also criticise my Maxim shots - and I totally deserve it. They are horrid to the max.

And of course, these photographers' natural defence will be that I am JEALOUS coz nobody wants to shoot ME.

Yes, yes, I wrote this post coz I am fat and jealous. Because every girl would love a pack of perverse, scary middle-aged uncles photographing them.


p/p/s: Why can't all these men control their penises?!

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